Sometimes, when I boil down a piece of writing, I find nuggets of truth embedded within a matrix of jargon and bullshit. But sometimes, I just find nothing but platitudes, emptiness, and evidence of incompetence. That’s the apparent communications strategy of Revolt PR.
Here’s what the press release says: Revolt PR believes it can help you reach millennials, and it has a new web site. It takes 270 words to say so. And it’s a revealing exercise in why, if you have nothing to say, you should say nothing.
How to say nothing badly
Let’s deconstruct the release and figure out where it went wrong. I’ll provide a translation for each section of this remarkable document.
Revolt PR- First Millennial Public Relations Agency- Announces New Website
LOS ANGELES, Dec. 26, 2016 /PRNewswire/ — Revolt PR-First Millennial Public Relations Agency, announced today the launch of its newly revamped website.
Translation: We have a Web site. How exciting!
This newly redesigned website offers quick and easy access to essential information. The new website has a clean uncluttered design, improved functionality and enhanced rich content focused on the Company’s mission to provide millennial marketing and public relations services.
Translation: The Web site works properly. Also, we like to repeat things (like “newly redesigned,” “clean uncluttered” and “enhanced rich”) to make sure you understand. And oh yeah, we market to millennials.
The millennial generation ages 18 to 34, is not the only largest population segment, it is the most racially diverse and highly educated generation in American history. Given these facts, the millennial generation is increasingly important to the future of brands. According to research by social marketing crowd tap, Millennials spend an average of 17.8 hours a day on with different types of media.
Translation: We, like everyone else since the dawn of marketing, realize that marketers want to target young people. However, we are too lazy to link to the Crowdtap study that shows their media habits, to spell Crowdtap’s name correctly, or to identify Crowdtap’s actual function as an influence marketing platform. Also, we don’t understand what statistics mean, because the number we’ve cited includes overlapping time with different media, rather than actually representing “17.8 hours a day.”
Revolt has developed content marketing and engagement tactic to reach millennials on a credible level, by rethinking how brands engage with millennials to achieve sustainable Revolt is constantly learning new tactics to reach millennials. News can be spread now faster than ever before, connecting with social influencer and bloggers helps us stay ahead of the marketing curve. We design our campaigns to pivot when need to deliver the best results for our clients.
Translation: We can’t get subjects and verbs to agree, or put periods at the end of sentences, but you should still trust us to “reach millennials on a credible level.” However, without citing any evidence of our actual activities or track record, we can use jargon like “content marketing” and “social influencer.” We have also mastered the use of cliches like “news can be spread now faster than ever before,” “ahead of the marketing curve,” and the term of the moment, “pivot.”
Revolt PR is a Los Angeles, CA-based company that provides public relations services to General Business, Events & Entertainment Division, Technology, and Fashion, Beauty & Lifestyle divisions. Since 2015, Revolt PR has consistently challenged itself to produce greater results. Revolt PR has been proven to specialize in marketing to millennials.
Translation: We have divisions even though we are only one person, Joseph Benjamin (shown above). Our questionable command of English aligns with our inability to read a calendar; our previous press release said we were “newly established” in December of 2016, but somehow we’ve been challenging ourselves since 2015. And thanks to the wonders of passive voice, we can call ourselves proven without citing anyone who has proved anything about us.
It gets much, much worse.
Reading this release, you might think these guys are sloppy. You’d be right.
- Another agency is already called Revolt PR, which might cause a little trademark problem.
- The site features a section called “INFULENCER MARKETNG.” When it comes to marketng, start with the infulencers!
- The site includes a tiny, unreadable infographic from 2011, nabbed from Youth Kiawaaz, featuring statistics about digital marketing in india.
- A photo featured prominently on the site is taken from Getty Images without attribution.
- The site’s blog has one post, “10 Brands That Got Millennial Marketing Right,” from December 26, 2016, by Joseph Benjamin. But the post is actually taken, without attribution, from a July 2015 post by Mindy Weinstein on Search Engine Journal. One clue of its provenance: its top example of a millennial marketer is Chipotle, now better known for poisoning young people than marketing to them.
The message is very clear. If you believe that Millennials can’t write, can’t spell, and don’t care about accurately attributed content — and will respond to an agency that has the same qualities — then this is the agency for you.
The Web is an open place. If you’re ignorant, everyone can see it. So don’t post — and don’t run press releases — if you haven’t got your house in order.