Who are these people??
Who, after everything that has happened in this election season, is still making up their mind?
If you’re wondering, you’ve come to the right place. After careful research, I’ve determined, not just who they are, but what they’re waiting for. So here are the top 20 reasons that voters are still undecided.
Reasons voters remain undecided
- Need more time to decide if Trump actually respects women. He seems to have a problem, but I’m just not sure.
- Waiting on Clinton’s missing 33,000 emails. Once they retrieve those, I’ll read them and decide.
- I want to see what color pantsuit Clinton is wearing in the next two debates. I haven’t decided if I trust her fashion sense yet.
- Holding out hope for Biden. If he jumps in, I’ll vote for him. He’s just the cat’s pajamas.
- Waiting to see if Donald Trump will say something really bad that disqualifies him for the presidency. You know, like invading Canada. Or inviting Russia to join NATO. Or deporting all the Catholics.
- Checking out pics of the beauty queen Alicia Machado. If she’s really as fat as Trump says she was, then that means we can trust Trump.
- Until Trump’s foundation is convicted of fraud, I trust him. Only an actual prosecutor and judge can decide if he broke the law.
- Take my cue from Aunt Tillie, who gets all her information from Facebook. Once she decides, I’ll do what she says.
- Want to vote for Clinton, but if my husband overhears me tell a pollster, he’ll hide the TV remote. Can’t miss my soaps. Or The Voice.
- Ready to vote for Gary Johnson, but first he needs to cite a world leader he admires. Other than Justin Trudeau — that’s too obvious.
- If my daughter becomes pregnant, will vote for Hillary Clinton to preserve abortion rights. Until then, I can’t see why it makes a difference.
- Have to finish reading Anne Coulter’s book, decide if I agree with it. Change we can believe in. Damn, that’s Obama. Whatever.
- There’s still an open question of whether Trump originally supported the Iraq war. Once that’s resolved, I can choose.
- Haven’t yet heard candidates positions on Puerto Rico statehood. The silence is telling.
- If Cubs win the World Series, will vote for Trump. Because that means we’re in the bizarro world.
- Waiting for media to figure out who really started the birther thing about Obama. If Clinton did it, like Trump says, then I can’t vote for her.
- I’ll decide after I watch the sniffle/shimmy videos from the debate. They’re so revealing.
- Want to see final fact-checking score. While so far Politifact says Trump lies three times as much as Clinton, if she lies enough in the last few weeks she could catch up.
- I’ve gone cashless, so I can’t find a coin to flip. And the top reason voters are still undecided. . .
- Is there an election going on? I didn’t hear about it. Who’s running?