A new name for Facebook

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Facebook is planning to rebrand the company with a new name. — The Verge

Good morning, and welcome to our annual Connect conference. We’re glad to have you all here.

Facebook, the company — as you’ve come to know us — has grown enormously since its founding so many years ago. What was once a simple application now reaches billions of people. We’ve expanded that reach with Instagram and WhatsApp. Facebook is now also at the center of many corporations as they use our workplace product for their own internal communication and collaboration. And with Oculus Rift, we have introduced yet another amazing way to connect.

The name “Facebook” is no longer adequate to reflect the breadth of our ambitions. So today, we introduce a new name for the company.

BigBro

Just call us BigBro.

Before we get into our slew of new products for both users and developers, let me explain what BigBro stands for.

We want you to think of us as a friend that takes care of you, keeps you safe and connects you to everyone else. We’ll be creating products that enable incredible new ways to connect, and we’ll be taking care of all the infrastructure and data collection in the background, so you don’t have to worry about it.

BigBro will make sure you have interesting experiences that are as friendly as possible, with people of all ages, genders, and commercial intentions.

BigBro will ensure that everyone, from elders to teenage girls, gets a chance to see how beautiful and fit you could be, to fuel your aspirations to be the best you can be.

BigBro will reach ever deeper into your home, activating every possible device to learn more about you and what makes you tick — learning more about you, perhaps, than you even know yourself.

BigBro will make it possible for advertisers to responsibly reach people in every moment of their lives, from mobile devices to PCs to the metaverse, so you are never without a comforting set of commercial partners ready to sell you whatever you need, based on accurate data about everything you do online.

BigBro will be safe from inappropriate foreign agents and bad actors, to the extent that the sophisticated BigBro algorithm can detect them. With more data and AI than anyone else, our algorithms will eventually get good enough to detect and block many bad influences. In any case, I’m betting you’ll have far more positive experiences than problems.

And we believe all this will make BigBro the largest employer of “techbros” on the planet — the go-to place for well-compensated technology talent willing to put their scruples in escrow to an all-powerful, benevolent algorithm.

Eventually, BigBro will displace all other sources of information and — we might as well say it — truth. Media will be subservient to our ecosystem. What you read in all the various elements of Bigbrow will become what is true. And the best part of that is that each of us can now have our own truth, customized to what we most want to believe.

As the largest collector of data on the planet, BigBro will soon be inside everything you do, everyone you talk to, everyone you see, and everywhere you go — both in actual reality and the metaverse. That intelligence will allow us to provide you with the experience that we know will be best for you, regardless of whether you realize it or not.

Get ready. Because from now on, BigBro is watching you.

2 responses to “A new name for Facebook

  1. Good one. I’m reading an interesting book you’d probably enjoy. Antisocial: Online Extremists, Techno-Utopians, and the Hacking of the American Conversation by Andrew Marantz.

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