Two conflicting approaches on those Boeing 737 MAX crashes
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Two conflicting approaches on those Boeing 737 MAX crashes

Boeing and its airline customers are in a tough situation. Plane crashes are very rare — planes are safer than ever — but in the wake of two crashes of Boeing 737 MAX aircraft, they need to both reassure people and indicate that they’re taking steps to solve the problem. Boeing clearly has a disciplined…

Lora DiCarlo’s CES sex toy press release made me ecstatic

Lora DiCarlo’s CES sex toy press release made me ecstatic

A sex toy called Osé from the company Lora DiCarlo won an award at the Consumer Electronics Show. Then the show’s organizer, the Consumer Technology Association, took the award away. Lora DiCarlo founder Lora Haddock’s pointed, honest response is one of my favorite press releases of all time. Obligatory content warning: If it bothers you…

Kohler’s fully immersive flagship intelligent toilet experience

Kohler’s fully immersive flagship intelligent toilet experience

CES, the consumer electronics show, is the apotheosis of overblown technology demos and promises. Exuberant press releases abound. Kohler’s bathroom products are now fully digital, connected, and interactive — so it must compete on hype with the likes of Facebook and Samsung. Let’s just say that after reading the company’s latest press release, I’m flush…

Yahoo for Verizon: A soporific press release fails to inspire anyone

Yahoo for Verizon: A soporific press release fails to inspire anyone

Verizon bought Yahoo to combine with AOL and build an online media empire from cast-off spare parts. But its new management can’t seem to write a press release that’s credible, let alone run a media company anyone would visit on purpose. Here’s the logo for the new brand: Because apparently Verizon Media Group, formerly known…

Antipodes Pride’s pusillanimous, passive, pointless police press release
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Antipodes Pride’s pusillanimous, passive, pointless police press release

The Auckland, New Zealand police and Auckland Pride, an LGBTQ support organization, were unable to come to an agreement about police marching in the Pride parade. They did, however, produce one of the most oblique, passive, and ultimately pointless media releases ever posted. This is what happens when you’re not sure what to say, but…

The new owner of Dictionary.com and Thesaurus.com abuses a thesaurus

The new owner of Dictionary.com and Thesaurus.com abuses a thesaurus

Rock Holdings, parent company of Quicken Loans, has acquired Dictionary.com and Thesaurus.com. The resulting press release is a perfect example of how an idiot uses a thesaurus. I know this press release was supposed to be funny. Funny is different in a press release. I salute that. And it worked: Google News shows 7,570 articles about…

Columbia Gas PR fail: Don’t brag about accomplishments while your customers freeze
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Columbia Gas PR fail: Don’t brag about accomplishments while your customers freeze

Columbia Gas workers made a mistake that led to dozens of injuries, one death, and more than 60 house fires and explosions in communities north of Boston. Then the utility shut off service to over 7,000 homes. Now, while many of those homes are still taking cold showers and freezing, it has issued a press…

Google’s arrogance on display: burying the lede about its Google+ vulnerability and shutdown
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Google’s arrogance on display: burying the lede about its Google+ vulnerability and shutdown

Google announced it would shut down its social network Google+ yesterday after revealing that it had given outside developers access to private data. At least that’s how the media is describing it. Google’s own statement just buries the news amid a whole bunch of other announcements, like a radioactive pellet in a big bag of…

Adobe acquires Magento to become “shoppable” — and maximally buzzword-compliant

Adobe acquires Magento to become “shoppable” — and maximally buzzword-compliant

Adobe announced yesterday that it would acquire commerce platform Magento for $1.68 billion. It’s clear that an army of lawyers and PR people spent days crafting the 1001-word announcement, with is laden with highly refined, state-of-the-art tech-vendor bullshit. So let’s take the announcement apart. I’ll highlight jargon in bold and meaningless weasel words in italic, and…