The rebranding: FACEBOOK or Zuckerbook?

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The parent company of Facebook is now FACEBOOK. As rebranding goes, that sucks. I have some better suggestions.

“Today, we’re updating our company branding to be clearer about the products that come from Facebook. We’re introducing a new company logo and further distinguishing the Facebook company from the Facebook app, which will keep its own branding,” said Facebook CMO Antonio Lucio, noting that the logo for the company (rather than the product) will now be an all-caps sans-serif logo.

(I think they got that statement wrong. Shouldn’t it be: “Today, we’re updating our company branding to be clearer about the products that come from FACEBOOK. We’re introducing a new company logo and further distinguishing the FACEBOOK company from the Facebook app, which will keep its own branding,” said FACEBOOK CMO Antonio Lucio?)

The parent company of Facebook is now FACEBOOK. Got it? FACEBOOK owns Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, and Oculus Rift; Elizabeth Warren wants to separate Facebook from FACEBOOK.

This is silly for so many reasons.

Many publications won’t render brand names in all caps. That’s why you don’t read about the people at DIRECTV playing with LEGO blocks before going to OLD NAVY. It’s clumsy in print.

All caps DENOTES SHOUTING. Why is FACEBOOK SHOUTING? So us Boomers can hear it, maybe?

Distinguishing a parent company from a product by the typeface is challenging to parse, depending on the use. This is why when Google was faced with a similar conundrum, it created the parent company name Alphabet.

Better branding suggestions

For maximal dorkiness, Facebook (er, FACEBOOK) could keep calling itself Facebook and call the product by its original name, “The Facebook.”

My personal favorite would be changing the parent company to “Zuckerbook.” It works: Zuckerbook includes Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp. And then, like Apple, Zuckerbook would generate new product names automatically. In 2023, Zuckerbook will announce its new products PhotoBook, MessageBook, CashBook, PhoneBook, and BookBook.

But if you don’t like those ideas, I have more. I love naming things. If I were in the room when Antonio Lucio and his pals were seeking a new name for the parent company, I’d have thrown out these:

Faithlessbook

LizWarrenBane

MemeFlinger

DataSponge

NewsSlayer

Viralies

InfoClown

Conservapedia (wait, that’s taken)

AdKing

Power of Ignorance, Inc.

Interstitial Idiocy

Friendster (nobody else is using it)

Connect-I-cut

ZuckityMux

Infinite Scroll, Inc.

WhereDidTheTimeGoOhShitImLate

Antisocial Media Corp

Big Brother and the Holding Company

What’s your favorite? Or perhaps you have a better name? Add it in the comments.

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